Full Time RV Dying

 Dear Dad, I'm sure you are thinking, 'I told you so.'  I realize when I squint angrily down the street, smoking a cigarette and drinking terrible coffee, I am doing my best Bob Carrico impression.  Yes, we regret moving here.  I know I used to brag about low price of beer, the fresh, clean, cheap, stigma-free tobacco, but that's about all this town has going for it.   NPR featured a quaintly written, inoffensive article about younger remote workers moving to small towns to avoid the high cost of housing in big cities:  Remote workers .   They failed to point out a third of noir movies from the 1940s start out with this very premise.  I have compiled a top ten list of reasons not to move to a small town: 1.  You are still the same asshole you were in the big city.  I think alcoholics anonymous call moving often, 'Going Geographic.'  Moving wont fix your problems, in fact it makes most of them worse.  As light as you p...

Dear Old Man,   Our new RV has a top-of -the-line satellite system (circa 2005). It's useless and giant. In 2005 it was 30k. It did poorly what a new phone does well. Why the fuck do you care? Because you never had a phone or a satellite receiver and you traveled widely. And it makes me think of how useless and futile the global communication network is... truly what an unprecedented global ejaculation of trash.  And I think you told me this was happening back in 1995.  We didn't have a VCR, we were some of the last people on the planet who rented a VCR.  This seemed absurd  to me as a kid.  A VCR seemed absurd to you as a middle aged man.  It could be time and tide, but I get it.   If we had the VCR you couldn't have escaped twice a week down town to smoke cigarettes outside a bar, Heineken in hand and see a movie in person.  Instead you'd be bound to your bed, staring at the screen like a mental hospital inmate.  I reme...

 Well, dad, we sold the house.  I know home ownership was your dying wish, but Christ, it's weird out here these days.  Working in the social services I was wary of a tsunami of coming evictions and a real-estate price crash... well, and the fact that we both hated owning a home.  We bought an RV.  A big one.  Bigger than that.  40 ft.  It has a warranty.  See, were moving up in the world.  Bums with a warranty.  We have a few more weeks in the house in Frankfort KY then we're hitting the road.  The first stop is going to South Dakota to get residency there.  Desiree's income tax will go way down once we get residency there.  I know it sounds insane but there are thousands of people who live full time in RVs who get their South Dakota residency before hitting the road.  Yes, Rockaway is on the itinerary.  As you know, your ex-wife's ashes were spread there recently.  I was going to spread yours near by ...