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Cave City Kentucky

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  Dear Friends, Desiree and I were watching an uninterrupted stream of bats fill the Kentucky  evening, emitting from an abandoned hotel built above a cave, when it occurred to me I haven't blessed many of you with my unique and beautiful insights in a while.  We had parked our RV In Cave City Kentucky on the slopes of Guntown Mountain and were taking a break from dealing with an unfortunate RV septic explosion when we happened upon an Irish Bar on the old main street.  I have been often accused of prevarication, however you must believe me when I say 24 ounce cans of PBR were two dollars.  We had to order several to convince ourselves it was true.   Now I hate bats, and my cats hate me.  They used to bring me live mutilated bats in the morning to provoke my hangovers.  Now I found myself standing beneath a living cathedral of bats, hissing, clicking and clawing their way into the night towards Guntown Mountain to murder rape a...
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Top Ten Reasons to NOT be a remote worker in a small town.

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 Dear Dad, I'm sure you are thinking, 'I told you so.'  I realize when I squint angrily down the street, smoking a cigarette and drinking terrible coffee, I am doing my best Bob Carrico impression.  Yes, we regret moving here.  I know I used to brag about low price of beer, the fresh, clean, cheap, stigma-free tobacco, but that's about all this town has going for it.   NPR featured a quaintly written, inoffensive article about younger remote workers moving to small towns to avoid the high cost of housing in big cities:  Remote workers .   They failed to point out a third of noir movies from the 1940s start out with this very premise.  I have compiled a top ten list of reasons not to move to a small town: 1.  You are still the same asshole you were in the big city.  I think alcoholics anonymous call moving often, 'Going Geographic.'  Moving wont fix your problems, in fact it makes most of them worse.  As light as you p...
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Technology and Father's Day

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Dear Old Man,   Our new RV has a top-of -the-line satellite system (circa 2005). It's useless and giant. In 2005 it was 30k. It did poorly what a new phone does well. Why the fuck do you care? Because you never had a phone or a satellite receiver and you traveled widely. And it makes me think of how useless and futile the global communication network is... truly what an unprecedented global ejaculation of trash.  And I think you told me this was happening back in 1995.  We didn't have a VCR, we were some of the last people on the planet who rented a VCR.  This seemed absurd  to me as a kid.  A VCR seemed absurd to you as a middle aged man.  It could be time and tide, but I get it.   If we had the VCR you couldn't have escaped twice a week down town to smoke cigarettes outside a bar, Heineken in hand and see a movie in person.  Instead you'd be bound to your bed, staring at the screen like a mental hospital inmate.  I reme...
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You won't approve

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 Well, dad, we sold the house.  I know home ownership was your dying wish, but Christ, it's weird out here these days.  Working in the social services I was wary of a tsunami of coming evictions and a real-estate price crash... well, and the fact that we both hated owning a home.  We bought an RV.  A big one.  Bigger than that.  40 ft.  It has a warranty.  See, were moving up in the world.  Bums with a warranty.  We have a few more weeks in the house in Frankfort KY then we're hitting the road.  The first stop is going to South Dakota to get residency there.  Desiree's income tax will go way down once we get residency there.  I know it sounds insane but there are thousands of people who live full time in RVs who get their South Dakota residency before hitting the road.  Yes, Rockaway is on the itinerary.  As you know, your ex-wife's ashes were spread there recently.  I was going to spread yours near by ...
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